Tuesday, June 20, 2006

HAM-stravaganza FAQs

Is HAM-Stravaganza a pirate party held on a boat?

YES.

Is the boat called "The Frying Pan" at NYC's Chelsea Pier?

YES.

Will there be real pirates at the party?

GOD, WE HOPE SO....

Should I fear for my life and well-being?

BECAUSE OF THE PIRATES OR THE BOAT? YES.

Can I expect entertainments of the musical and comedic variety, such as THE HAZZARDS, Rob Paravonian, Future Folk, John Foti, The Scurvy Pirates, Jon Bulette, and Jon Friedman?

YES.

Will there be a pig dressed as a pirate? Or a man dressed as a pig dressed as a pirate, if you can't by your best efforts find an agreeable pig who will work within your budget?

YES.

Will I be able to eat ham products, drink alcoholic beverages, dress up as pirate, participate in a fashion show, submit my raunchy seamen jokes in a bad-pirate-joke-competition, and join in other pirate and ham-related games and prizes, while becoming precariously intoxicated and/or sea-sick before vomiting on my date?

GOD, WE HOPE SO....

Will I then be able to submit pictures of myself and my friends embarking on said activities to this site so they can be broadcast across the internet to our mutual shame and embarrassment?

ABSOLUTELY.

Will I get a free copy of The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists & In an Adventure with Ahab by Gideon Defoe as a partying gift, but more so as a shameless marketing ploy devised by his evil corporate publisher?

NO! (okay, YES)

What will a night of such wonder and amazement cost me?

NOTHING! IT'S FREE!!!!

When should I arrive?

7 PM.

Is it actually very easy to get to The Frying Pan by taking West 23rd Street across the West Side Highway to the end of Chelsea Piers sports facility?

YES.

Will the "HAM-OFF" be the most devastatingly mind-blowing spectacle I have ever seen?

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT...

6 Comments:

Blogger Jack said...

I'm not even sure what to say... Ham. Pirates. What could be better?

9:07 AM  
Blogger H Fink said...

So hungry now.

I desire canadian bacon most especially.

9:28 AM  
Blogger H Fink said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:30 AM  
Blogger stc47 said...

I've seldom looked forward to anything as much as Hamstravaganza after reading this.

2:51 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=soUOkaw8JhY

HAM-OFF's shocking results video

5:04 AM  
Blogger darius said...

what a bummer of an event. not even any ham to speak of.

6:25 AM  

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